Name A More Important Thing

“Uhhhh, my name’s not Brad. And who’s Davey??”

The confused and disappointed expression of the guy I thought was Brad, but was not, is permanently burned into my brain – as is the feeling of hot nails flowing through my bloodstream.

You may have had a similar situation when you get someone’s name wrong. Years ago I ran into this guy that I definitely knew from somewhere (but couldn’t quite place in my head) at a Braves game and talked to him for a few minutes before I introduced him to my other friend as ‘Brad,’ and doubled down by asked if he had seen Davey, a mutual friend of mine and Brad’s, in a while. ‘Not Brad’ had no idea who Davey was, obviously, and had a sour look on his face because I didn’t remember his name. I had an out-of-body panic and said something like, “Oh, nevermind! Take care!” And I ducked through the crowd to escape. My friend had to come find me at the next condiment stand. It was an awful feeling.

That was the day I decided to truly focus on ways to remember people’s names. I developed a little system for myself that really works and if you have ever suffered from this affliction, then please read on…

Colin’s Time-tested Method for Remembering Names:

1.      Listen! Really Listen. This is pretty obvious, but pay attention when they introduce themselves and they say their name. This is the biggest obstacle to remembering names – paying attention in the first place. Sometimes I am not expecting someone to introduce themselves in that exact moment and I am not ready to listen. That’s when step two comes in handy.

2.      Repeat Back. Sometimes Twice. “Brenda? Great to meet you. I had a great friend in high school named Brenda.” This doesn’t even need to be true, because it doesn’t matter anyway. They aren’t going to ask for your yearbook to check. It’s just a mechanism for you to hear the name coming out of your own mouth again so it gets properly recorded in your brain. Plus, as Dale Carnegie said, “The sweetest sound to a person’s ear is the sound of their own name.”

3.      Weird Associations. This is the biggest and most important trick. Associate the person with something memorable but weird so you remember it. Here are a few real examples from my life:

• Even though I’d hung out with her multiple times, I kept forgetting the name of my neighbor a few houses away. Her name was Bridget, she was super nice, she always remembered my name, and I’d say, “It’s great to see you, too!” And then I would find a reason to go to the kitchen to escape. Finally, I imagined that there was a bridge from my deck to her deck and she would play bridge on the bridge with Leon Bridges. I never forgot Bridget’s name again.

• I was at a 4th of July BBQ last week and met a couple that was really nice. To be honest, I wasn’t paying close enough attention when they introduced themselves, but thankfully my wife walked up and introduced herself to them right after, them being John and Ashley. Time for weird associations! John is another name for a toilet, so I pictured him...you know, on a toilet. And her name being Ashley, I pictured her smoking a cigarette with a really long ash hanging from it, and I pictured her smoking next to John on the john. It doesn’t have to be flattering, just memorable. And weird. Not gonna forget John or Ashley.

• Last one – I do a lot of landscaping work in my yard and recently bought tons (literally) of flagstone over three trips to the rock yard. On the third trip, I walked in and said, “Jose! Good to see you! I’m gonna need one more load.” I remembered his name because on the first trip there, he told me I couldn’t buy certain stones individually, only in pallets, so he was “No Way Jose” in my head. He was so taken aback that I remembered his name that he gave me a 25% discount and told me it was because I remembered his name.”

4.      Say It When You Part Ways. When you’re about to walk away, say something as simple as “Great meeting you, Darnell.” This further darkens the ink of their name in your brain. Zig Ziglar used to say, “People don’t care how much you know until they first know how much you care.” Remembering someone’s name shows you care.

5.      Write It Down. This is the fail-safe. Typing it into your phone is great, but even better is to handwrite their names. Studies have shown that you retain information 20% better when you write it by hand.

Do you have any other tips? If so, please share! This is a skill I’ll never master but will always work to improve.